Stopped but Unstoppable

Whew! The last 20 minutes of class was completly overwhelming for me. So much so that it become a physical experience. My breathing changed, I was agitated and anxious. All I could think about was getting out of there and escaping. The work load of being a teacher and becoming a teacher took over my possibilities.
However, I kicked my own butt in the car on the way home. I chose not to have a headache. I took longer, slower breaths, I turned up my music. I reminded myself how much I love children and how much fun I have being a teacher. That was refreshing!
Then I got a phone call from Rob. I had completly forgotten that I made plans to talk to him this evening. I addressed that I forgot and that i'm so looking foward to having a breakthough in time management. I got present to the fact that those 20 minutes of freak out in class was all inside of me not managing my assignments and utilizing my time effectively.
I have 2 unit plans to write. Basically a unit is a series of 10-15 days worth of lesson plans. A typcial school day consists of about 4 lessons. That is 40-45 lesson plans. Lesson plans can be 2-6 pages long! **Big Gulp** I have to create two of those. One language and literacy involving a children's literature author and a science unit. Thats 80-90 lessons. Thats alot of research and creativity.
Heres what I got though, I love writing curriculum . I love planning, being creative and innovative. I love kids. I am a stand that my kids learning expeirence is fun, fullfilling and innovative. A day accomplishing that looks like kids working together, developing connections of love and respect and playfulness. A day of communication and laughter. A classroom full of exploring, constructing children that crave answers to their questions and know they are on in a safe space. I'm smiling already.
Once the unit is planned I have it forever. I will be 9 months prepared for my student teaching. I will be able to use the units in my classroom right now. Not like someday, somehow...but right now. I make a difference in children right now. I can create that classroom everyday!
I kept my word and interviewed Pia today. I set up to take my dad out to dinner, which I think knocked his socks off! And I called Peter, just like I said I would.
At 9:30 I get to talk to Katie.
For a night that started off as literally an unpleasant mental and physical state, i'm flying high right now. Feel completly unstoppable.
I'm being cause in my own life.