In the midst
What a rollar coaster!!!!!
I think the best way to account for my week of blogging laziness is to start at the beginning and go chronological.
Wednesday March 8th
I invited Jason to lunch. After attending the advanced course completion with him I was really syked to talk to him. I really thought that since he had gotten his "act" that we could have real chance at a relationship. I had listened to the way he shared about me and honored me. I was a complete fool. At lunch, on weds afternoon at about 1:20 everything came crashing down. I heard the words I have been anticipating since about August. He choosing someone else. He can't see himself with me, married with kids. He wants to be my friend and have conversations that light him up with me but thats all he wants. UGH, knife to my heart, punch in the gut. My tears flowed, thick heavy tears. Tears of a complete broken heart and complete disgust. I couldn't believe what was happening. Unfortunetly though it did not shock me at all. I kept reminding myself of the big games I am playing in life, but each time the thought came the tears flowed more. Later then evening, when I was at a meeting at work I found out that he emailed my dad and told him. Ah! A new feeling arose creating complete humiliation. The sobbing started then. I laid on Jodi's bed, drank Diet Coke and ate chocolate chip cookies and basically passed out from exhuastion.
Thursday March 9th
I don't really remember much about this day. I know I was really really really angry. It was the first time I ever threw anything. And I actually messed up my painted wall a little bit. I babysat for Jake and Sebastian, which was pleasant. And I talked to Diana on the phone for about an hour and sorted programs for Just Imagine.
Friday March 10th
The Just Imagine excitement begins!!!! The tent was set up early in the morning and we spend the late morning having a dress rehearsal. The afternoon we tied ribbon on the programs. I talked to Katie. I love her! Always prompt and I can always rely on her to listen. Like really really listen. I got my toes done and messed them up with my socks. I totally thought after 25 minutes and the fast dry spray that they would be okay, I was incorrect! Ha! OH well. Friday night Jason and I ate left overs and caught up on 24. The entire experience "seemed" so normal. But we both new that things have changed. Deep down the emptiness was there for me, and i'm pretty sure for him too. It was comfortable and akward. Safe and Sad. Bitter Sweet. I would forget and then remember. I wanted him to change his mind. I wanted him close but I wanted him to go away. The impact had set in. In the silence of the night, I knew that these moments won't last. And in a short time I wouldn't be spending nights like these with him again.
Saturday March 11th
I spent the entire day at school preparing for Just Imagine. The excitement and fun that the program created was contagious. We all had the best time. So many people worked really hard to have Just Imagine be alive! Richard designed the most amazing stage set!!!! I was really in awe of how everything came together! The night was perfect! Even in some imperfections all the intentions and possibilities were fullfilled. The children were amazing! The guests were generous and touched. I was enthused, joyful and basically all over the placed. I let aknowledgemnet in. I soaked up as much energy and freedom that I could. I enjoyed the company of old and new friends and family. I literally had the time of my life. And I really got presenced to the fact that I caused all of it! I could cause miraculous results in my life and the life of others. WOW.
After Just Imagine, I met Katie, Rahul, Ruben & Jodi at 88 keys. After awhile my dad and Holly joined us. We had the greatest time. Laughed and sang and danced. I was in the company of fun, joyous, fantastic human beings. A couple of weeks that all was not possible in my life! And now its as real as the hand in front of my face.
Sunday March 12th
Ah the beautiful let down! The empty space of "What is next?" I cleaned the house. Blah. Went shopping at Target and ran into Diana Callea. It was really great to spend some more time with her! Went to school to put away the 150 chairs and all the tables. UCK that was miserable! Finally it was time for my home introduction for the landmark forum. My emotions had been all over the place however I was really siked to have people come over the house. Katie did a fabulous job leading the introduction. I created the possibility of being a committed energized bunny. And I literally watched small miracles occur. Each person was open and honest. The space was comfortable and safe. Jenni and Richard registered. I'm not sure which one of them is more excited, but I can tell that their family is going to be different. I'm confident that both of them are unstoppable human beings and i'm committed to assisting them in anyway possible. BRAVO! I want an encore of this weekend. For everything it was and everything it wasn't
I think the best way to account for my week of blogging laziness is to start at the beginning and go chronological.
Wednesday March 8th
I invited Jason to lunch. After attending the advanced course completion with him I was really syked to talk to him. I really thought that since he had gotten his "act" that we could have real chance at a relationship. I had listened to the way he shared about me and honored me. I was a complete fool. At lunch, on weds afternoon at about 1:20 everything came crashing down. I heard the words I have been anticipating since about August. He choosing someone else. He can't see himself with me, married with kids. He wants to be my friend and have conversations that light him up with me but thats all he wants. UGH, knife to my heart, punch in the gut. My tears flowed, thick heavy tears. Tears of a complete broken heart and complete disgust. I couldn't believe what was happening. Unfortunetly though it did not shock me at all. I kept reminding myself of the big games I am playing in life, but each time the thought came the tears flowed more. Later then evening, when I was at a meeting at work I found out that he emailed my dad and told him. Ah! A new feeling arose creating complete humiliation. The sobbing started then. I laid on Jodi's bed, drank Diet Coke and ate chocolate chip cookies and basically passed out from exhuastion.
Thursday March 9th
I don't really remember much about this day. I know I was really really really angry. It was the first time I ever threw anything. And I actually messed up my painted wall a little bit. I babysat for Jake and Sebastian, which was pleasant. And I talked to Diana on the phone for about an hour and sorted programs for Just Imagine.
Friday March 10th
The Just Imagine excitement begins!!!! The tent was set up early in the morning and we spend the late morning having a dress rehearsal. The afternoon we tied ribbon on the programs. I talked to Katie. I love her! Always prompt and I can always rely on her to listen. Like really really listen. I got my toes done and messed them up with my socks. I totally thought after 25 minutes and the fast dry spray that they would be okay, I was incorrect! Ha! OH well. Friday night Jason and I ate left overs and caught up on 24. The entire experience "seemed" so normal. But we both new that things have changed. Deep down the emptiness was there for me, and i'm pretty sure for him too. It was comfortable and akward. Safe and Sad. Bitter Sweet. I would forget and then remember. I wanted him to change his mind. I wanted him close but I wanted him to go away. The impact had set in. In the silence of the night, I knew that these moments won't last. And in a short time I wouldn't be spending nights like these with him again.
Saturday March 11th
I spent the entire day at school preparing for Just Imagine. The excitement and fun that the program created was contagious. We all had the best time. So many people worked really hard to have Just Imagine be alive! Richard designed the most amazing stage set!!!! I was really in awe of how everything came together! The night was perfect! Even in some imperfections all the intentions and possibilities were fullfilled. The children were amazing! The guests were generous and touched. I was enthused, joyful and basically all over the placed. I let aknowledgemnet in. I soaked up as much energy and freedom that I could. I enjoyed the company of old and new friends and family. I literally had the time of my life. And I really got presenced to the fact that I caused all of it! I could cause miraculous results in my life and the life of others. WOW.
After Just Imagine, I met Katie, Rahul, Ruben & Jodi at 88 keys. After awhile my dad and Holly joined us. We had the greatest time. Laughed and sang and danced. I was in the company of fun, joyous, fantastic human beings. A couple of weeks that all was not possible in my life! And now its as real as the hand in front of my face.
Sunday March 12th
Ah the beautiful let down! The empty space of "What is next?" I cleaned the house. Blah. Went shopping at Target and ran into Diana Callea. It was really great to spend some more time with her! Went to school to put away the 150 chairs and all the tables. UCK that was miserable! Finally it was time for my home introduction for the landmark forum. My emotions had been all over the place however I was really siked to have people come over the house. Katie did a fabulous job leading the introduction. I created the possibility of being a committed energized bunny. And I literally watched small miracles occur. Each person was open and honest. The space was comfortable and safe. Jenni and Richard registered. I'm not sure which one of them is more excited, but I can tell that their family is going to be different. I'm confident that both of them are unstoppable human beings and i'm committed to assisting them in anyway possible. BRAVO! I want an encore of this weekend. For everything it was and everything it wasn't
posted by Moxie Mommy @ Monday, March 13, 2006
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home