Champion
I'm freezing! But I like the cold...so its not a complaint just an unfamiliar feeling.
Today I spent most of the day with Trey, filling that spot inside my heart that really wants a baby of my own. Since its not really a good idea to have a baby of my own right now, I just borrow Jodi's baby from time to time. Play mom for a couple of hours and come home. Trey was sick today so I mostly sat on the couch with him while he slept. Its amazing how baby's look when they sleep, the innoscene and wonder and peacefulness. If we all only slept that wonderful! I really can't wait to have children of my own, I am definitly meant to be a mom...I know someday it will be my greatest fullfillment in life.
Still really cold...
and the next topic makes me feel cold inside. It depletes me of my possibility and just leaves me well with a chill. Sometimes it makes me want to cry, but mostly its like an empty space inside and i'm getting closer to filling this hole with something else. My evidence keeps getting thicker, like early morning fog that clogs up traffic. Only my fog clogs my heart and it feels nearly impossibly to pass through, like the fog is going to swallow me. I love him and hate him. I love him for everything he is...compassionate, contributing, intellectual, patient, athletic, loving, witty, humerous and stable. I hate him for being unreliable and secretive. I hate him because I can't have him, I love him because hes the best human being I've ever met. I'm just sad. Sad to share him, sad to let him go, sad to step into the unknown. I really want someone to love me and pursue me.
I completed the final flyer for Just Imagine. I'm really proud of the result.
What would it be like to go to the Olympics? To be a champion when the whole world is watching, to represent something great?
How would it be to be a champion that chooses to bow out gracefully, or one that is perfect until it matters?
What does it feel like to make it all the way to go home after the first round, or to get an injury so severe you can not continue?
Hero's stand up for whats right and die in the end...
Champion's pursue passion, experience success and failure and love every minute of it.
I want to be a champion
Today I spent most of the day with Trey, filling that spot inside my heart that really wants a baby of my own. Since its not really a good idea to have a baby of my own right now, I just borrow Jodi's baby from time to time. Play mom for a couple of hours and come home. Trey was sick today so I mostly sat on the couch with him while he slept. Its amazing how baby's look when they sleep, the innoscene and wonder and peacefulness. If we all only slept that wonderful! I really can't wait to have children of my own, I am definitly meant to be a mom...I know someday it will be my greatest fullfillment in life.
Still really cold...
and the next topic makes me feel cold inside. It depletes me of my possibility and just leaves me well with a chill. Sometimes it makes me want to cry, but mostly its like an empty space inside and i'm getting closer to filling this hole with something else. My evidence keeps getting thicker, like early morning fog that clogs up traffic. Only my fog clogs my heart and it feels nearly impossibly to pass through, like the fog is going to swallow me. I love him and hate him. I love him for everything he is...compassionate, contributing, intellectual, patient, athletic, loving, witty, humerous and stable. I hate him for being unreliable and secretive. I hate him because I can't have him, I love him because hes the best human being I've ever met. I'm just sad. Sad to share him, sad to let him go, sad to step into the unknown. I really want someone to love me and pursue me.
I completed the final flyer for Just Imagine. I'm really proud of the result.
What would it be like to go to the Olympics? To be a champion when the whole world is watching, to represent something great?
How would it be to be a champion that chooses to bow out gracefully, or one that is perfect until it matters?
What does it feel like to make it all the way to go home after the first round, or to get an injury so severe you can not continue?
Hero's stand up for whats right and die in the end...
Champion's pursue passion, experience success and failure and love every minute of it.
I want to be a champion
posted by Moxie Mommy @ Sunday, February 12, 2006
1 Comments:
At Monday, February 13, 2006 12:30:00 PM,
Lawsuited said…
You are a Champion Kells. Only champions choose to face their fears. We are all afraid. We all have fears,most of us get stopped, Champions keep going.
Post a Comment
<< Home