all over the place for too long

I'm really spacy right now. Surrounded by work to be done and little energy or motivation to do any of it. I did get my car cleaned today and went to the library. I finally picked an author for author study. Once I got the inauthenticity of being confused alot has opened up for me. I worked out financial matters with Jason, began the roommate hunt, purchased a new cell phone, choose an author, started my shares for ILP. I was putting it all off because "I didn't know," "Or I was confused," I actually have access to getting things complete now.
I can't really tell if i'm tired or sad or empty.
Last night Jason and I talked for nearly two hours. Today he is literally gone. Its really easy for me to fall into normalcy. Each time I get the impact is hits hard! Jason will be moving out soon, we won't be getting married and he's giving the best of him to someone else.
I'm committed to having my summer school schedule worked out by Friday afternoon so that I can arrange all my assisting agreements for the next six months for ILP.
It kinda smells like fish in my house right now. Sick....
My thoughts are all over the place.
I could be reading my book, or cleaning my closet, perhaps working on my author study or making the april calender for work. All I want to do is stare off into space.
I'm being tired and empty because i'm resisting my completion conversation with Jason tonight. I'm resisting going out with Holly.
I'm resisting...and under that is tears. I dont know if i'm big enough or brave enough to complete this relationship. Literally taking the past out of the future and putting it back in the past. I'm suppose to be excited about new oppurtunities. Wide open spaces. The void is almost unbearable (story I know)

Tomorrow I am going to get my new TV, hopefully my voucher is still valid. I put it off for so long! Then i'm going to my cousins house to get a new hairstlye. I think thats what i'll do now to spice up my afternoon. Find some pictures of cute hairstyles. Afterwards I have my first assisting agreement at Landmark. I'm assisting in a seminar :) I'm not sure what the experience will be like. So i'm just going to go and dive in! And perhaps this time i'll actually pass on personal presentation. My plan is to wear my black dress pants and pink and white and silver stripped colar shirt from banana republic.