A night Out (Literally)

Last night after SELP I went out. I don't get out much and I was totally responsible for that. I am really greatful that people encouraged me to go out. I stood in the parking lot, so silly but like terrified to go to a restaurant. I went anyway.
Every hour I was like Woa, I need to go home. I was an hour away from home.
Each hour seemed to get better. The experience got richer and I felt more connected and involved and loved then I've felt in a long time. And all in the context of having fun.
Before I knew it 2:15 am had rolled around. My conversation was so intense I had been crying.
I was crying and exhuasted so I choose to spend the night at Valentinas house. We went to bed at 3am.
I slept in and was an hour late for work.
People were concerned that something "bad" had happened. Quite the contrast.
I was honest about why I was late for work. My Boss said, "Kelly its not like you to be irresponsible like that." WOW, impact.
I apologized and said she could count on me to be on time for work.
She said she was just happy everything was okay and that I made it to work. (Shew)
Last night was so good for my soul.
And opened up the possibility of doing that again....and soon.
Thanks Valentina and Simmi and Katie and Rahual ( am I spelling that right?) Peter and Ruben and Seth. Thanks so much.

Excitement

I can't remember the last time I felt this excited....

I wonder in what other occassions people feel this excited and scared at the same time. Maybe like on your wedding day or graduation day or like getting accepted to an out of state college.

I don't remember how I felt on graduation day.
I've never had a wedding day
Never considered going away to school.

This feeling is really great. Even with the fear, I feel so alive and so free!
Perhaps I got it. I got the secret to the program.
I got my life.

WOW

Happy Birthday Jason!

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to Jason
Happy birthday to you!!

Jason-
I hope you have a really great day today with your family!
Enjoy your birthday

Love you always

Kells

Each Hour

Last night I had dinner with my dad at Chilis. I treated him to dinner so that I could interview him for a committment I made inside of SELP. The more interviews I do the more clear I get. I hear so many of the same things. And I have really only had a hard time with one of my interviews. What that person said peirced me and now about two months later I see that interviewed as very isolated. No one since then said anything similar. I get that just because it was said doesn't mean it is true. Who in the heck knows what was going on with that person to say such things. Anyway it doesn't matter much now.
I fell asleep at 9:30 last night. Slept for 12 hours. 5 hours more then i've been sleeping during the week. I guess I slept an extra hour for each day of the week that I under slept.
Its all rainy outside. My plans got canceled. I'll bring Jasons car for an oil change in a little while. the lady said to come in the afternoon. So I guess i'll go around noon. Then maybe get together with Jenni. Babysitting at 4:45. My entire day is dictated by this babysitting. I so don't want to go. And I am babysitting next saturday too. Its good money but i'm so over it!
Kinda bummed right now...

Cookies

I love cookies.

Back in the day I wouldn't eat cookies. I didn't want to get "fat." Cookies for my enemy. I would eat 20 grapes and 20 peices of pinneapple for a treat. I remember looking at a cookie a couple of years ago and wanting it so badly I actually started crying. I would not eat the cookie. That was not part of the "rules."
Jodi told me to eat the cookie. "Eat the cookie, Kell, or you'll end up eating it anyway and eat more then you would have if you would have only ate one cookie."
"Hmm," I thought. "Eat the stupid cookie."
I just could not eat the cookie. My desire to be thin was stronger then my desire to eat one cookie.
'rules' about food don't manage my life anymore.
Now I buy cookie dough and keep it at the house. The toll house chocolate chip. The ones you can break apart and only make like 4 at a time if you want. Thats what I do, if I really want a cookie I'll bake like 2-4 and eat those. And Jodi was correct. It satisfies my desire for a cookie and I don't end up punishing myself in either direction.
Hot, fresh, gooey chocolate chip cookies right out of the oven, 2-4 at a time with a glass of milk.
The simple pleasure in my life.
I love Cookies

blah blah

Today feels like Friday, however its Thursday!

I really like Fridays!

This evening I learned how to send myself and other people emails from my cell phone. I wanted to be able to save text messages. Somethings are so good and endearing that I never want to forget them. So Jodi taught me how to foward my incoming text messages to my email. Then I can do whatever I like with them to remember them!
I remembered how to laugh tonight. Like really laugh and laugh to really silly things. Hanging out with sleep deprived people can be entertaining.
I really miss Jason and I miss Pick me. The house isn't the same without them here. Jason is in PA visiting his family, Pick me had surgery today. Pick me comes home tomorrow, Jason on Monday. Jason- thanks for being generous today and taking on having that conversation with me. The end result left me feeling powerful. I can't wait to finnish the conversation monday.
I had another fantastic conversation with Ruben today! Its the best feeling to be left clear and have some sort of direction. My work inside of SELP has been one of the best things I have ever done!
I wish all my conversations were that impactful!
I suppose they could be.

Coming next (cookie story)

Stopped but Unstoppable

Whew! The last 20 minutes of class was completly overwhelming for me. So much so that it become a physical experience. My breathing changed, I was agitated and anxious. All I could think about was getting out of there and escaping. The work load of being a teacher and becoming a teacher took over my possibilities.
However, I kicked my own butt in the car on the way home. I chose not to have a headache. I took longer, slower breaths, I turned up my music. I reminded myself how much I love children and how much fun I have being a teacher. That was refreshing!
Then I got a phone call from Rob. I had completly forgotten that I made plans to talk to him this evening. I addressed that I forgot and that i'm so looking foward to having a breakthough in time management. I got present to the fact that those 20 minutes of freak out in class was all inside of me not managing my assignments and utilizing my time effectively.
I have 2 unit plans to write. Basically a unit is a series of 10-15 days worth of lesson plans. A typcial school day consists of about 4 lessons. That is 40-45 lesson plans. Lesson plans can be 2-6 pages long! **Big Gulp** I have to create two of those. One language and literacy involving a children's literature author and a science unit. Thats 80-90 lessons. Thats alot of research and creativity.
Heres what I got though, I love writing curriculum . I love planning, being creative and innovative. I love kids. I am a stand that my kids learning expeirence is fun, fullfilling and innovative. A day accomplishing that looks like kids working together, developing connections of love and respect and playfulness. A day of communication and laughter. A classroom full of exploring, constructing children that crave answers to their questions and know they are on in a safe space. I'm smiling already.
Once the unit is planned I have it forever. I will be 9 months prepared for my student teaching. I will be able to use the units in my classroom right now. Not like someday, somehow...but right now. I make a difference in children right now. I can create that classroom everyday!
I kept my word and interviewed Pia today. I set up to take my dad out to dinner, which I think knocked his socks off! And I called Peter, just like I said I would.
At 9:30 I get to talk to Katie.
For a night that started off as literally an unpleasant mental and physical state, i'm flying high right now. Feel completly unstoppable.
I'm being cause in my own life.

Finally

Today I interview Pia, finally! And I learned some great stuff. Most imporant the interview was the access to the conversation of my future role at Nativity. She told me to trust the process and they want my future to be stronger then ever. Pia's interview was the first one that offered a bridge to another conversation.
17 more days till Just Imagine. I have strong committments for the next 3 days to get some important things complete. By Friday I need to have all the AD's complete and sent over to Andrea. I will make a postcard with the website information opening up the possibility of people purchasing tickets and making donations online. I guess its only 2 for Just Imagine. The third committment was to make a calender through may of my weeks. Incorporating school, work and Landmark. I want to be able to communicate when I will miss things way in advanced.
Pick me (my cat) is having surgery tomorrow. We are taking away her ability to have kittens. There I go again saying we, like Jason and I are "something" together. I am taking away her ability. I'm bringing her to the vet in the morning, i'm picking her up friday and I paid the $60 for the operation. Too bad human surgeries were that inexpensive!
Wonderful conversation with Nicole last night about being cause in my own life when my circumstances are not aligned to the way I think they should be. She reminded me of the importance of getting out of my own way and being at cause for other people as well. I also got more clear on my fear of abandonment. Like complete vanishing. Katie I have some great stuff to share with you. And a question to ask.... Maybe i'll try to get in touch with you later!
So time to get back to school.
I'll write more later

Angry

Cried for almost 2 hours today...
Did not feel good at all
Need a breakthrough conversations so badly I can taste it

Up too Early

3 people called me Katie last night for 3 different reasons. Well two directly called me Katie and the other one meant to announce "Kaites group," and announced "Kelly's group," instead. The accouncement made sense since I was the only person who heard Peter say we were meeting with him and the only person sitting in a chair waiting. I thought I knew what that meant, but now I am bewildered. Perhaps it is just a "K" thing.
I felt a huge disconnection last night, like I had let people down. Like I had let myself down. I was let down so I wouldn't let anyone in. I sat in a huge room. A familiar room, a room I usually feel comofortable in and I felt out of place. I reverted back to a couple of weeks ago when I was akward. I didn't share. I had planned on sharing. Without Jason there I lost my energy. I felt like anything I would say would be empty and insignificant. I was like a kid anticipating Disney World all weekend. On top of the world because he was coming. It was the first time ever, Disney was closed for the day when he told me hasn't. What made it worse, is not only did he let me down, but he did it intentionally. And then to top it off he spent his evening with Stupid Andrea. I really wish she would go away. He told me our entire relationship has been inauthentic and that he doesn't really care if I'm happy.
Going out with her last night Jason was a really ugly thing to do.
Thanks Simmi for being so wonderful for me.
Again, Katie, thanks for all the text messages :)
Jenni, Thanks for coming last night

No boys

Today has been good...

I went to church this morning with Kathi and her husband...the sermom didn't impress me but it was creative. Pastor talked about the things God did with a stick, mostly from Exodus (moses and aaron) A special guest worship leader was there today, he was really awesome!! Talked about the need to be transparent with someone and be restored. Totally the place I stand in today.
I researched tickets for ILP today. No purchase yet but i'm working on it, looks like i'll be heading to Chicago. It will be cold!!!!
Watched the movie "Wedding Date," I wonder if that would work for me. Hire an escort and fall in love! Went to blockbuster and rented "Just like Heaven." Will be watching that soon, pizza just got here.
Looking for a roommate again so I sent out some emails to potentials. I wish I could make an extra 500 a month working and not have another roomie. I went to the grocery store. I still have a cold.
I feel more relaxed. Really looking foward to tomorrow and having the day off!
No Boys last night. Plans didn't get nailed down so I stayed home. At like 11pm Holly went to Renegades I guess to meet the boys. Ironically enough 2 boys online today. One was way too old for me, the other just a message sent. I dont have expectations to meet anyone online, but at least the universe knows i'm open to the possibilities.
I can be me, Kelly!

Moxie

Moxie-
energy
pep
courage
determination.

How it occured to me

I completed the ILP application.
I'm playing with my new laptop.
Thats whats keeping the tears from flowing this evening.

I got a text message. Gone for an entire weekend with another girl and I get a text message. I guess I should be greatful for that, but I was hoping for a conversation. I remember all the trips we went on. The dozens of trips to orlando, one to atlanta, the caribbean cruise ( that was the best! ) Gainesville was one of my favorite trips. We have gone to Tampa, St. Pete and Kennedy Space Center. A drive to Miami, New york City (killer time!) and Pennslyvania. 2 trips to west virginia and one to Jamacia. We were planning Vegas...I'd love another cruise. Every monday was port st. lucie, every tuesday sample road. He would play Ultimate I would go to Walmart. Every wednesday he would come home around 10pm and tell me about ultimate. Sunday mornings was the beach. Thursday were not consistant. Saturday morning I would anxiously wait till 10am and go in his room to wake him up. Just be with him. I never really thought there would be a weekend trip I wouldnt be with him. I never imagined I wouldnt being going to walmart twice a week. It occured to me that we would be together and traveling would be one of our greatest connections. However, now he is traveling with another girl. That is how it occurs to me, he is with another girl, taking away from connection. My heart is broken.
Friend number 3 I have split from because I believed in our relationship so much. I thought he would come around eventually. We bought the house, did our traveling, began transformational work and I thought the next exciting moment would be our wedding. What a fool I was!
I want to be lazy with my intentions, but i'm so much bigger then that. I wish I had my friend back, sitting here with me in this cozy house enjoying this movie with me now.
I'm still sick....not that it suprizes me.
I want to be angry, so easy to be sad and angry.

Futures Debrief

I wanted to do this post last night while it was all in my head clearly but blogger was down. Bummer!

I totally get why the futures meeting is really a great conclusion to SELP. I was left touched, moved and inspired. Thanks Katie!
When I was driving home I had the conversation, as much as it as possible, in my head over and over again. I didn't want to ever forget it. As I was doing that it reminded me of the movie "because of Winne Dixie," the little girl in the movie would do that after she had conversations. Especially the one she had with her father. She requested that he share 10 things about her mother, 10 things because she was 10 years old, so one thing for each year. She never wanted to forget so she said it over and over again.
I really got that I do have fun and I wasnt giving myself credit for that. I have fun at work and traveling. How great to have a job that I have fun at!
I really got that i'm at the cause for so much. I asked the starbucks guy how he was going. He said decent...I attempted to have a conversation with him, some uncomfortable eye contact but needless it was out of the ordinary. When we walked away Katie said, "good job being at the cause."
I was reinspired to design a curriculum. To own and operate a school that utilizes the curriculum I write.
I got clear that I have some really distinct Choices, that life doesn't have to be black and white.
I have been waiting for Jason to come around for too long. I want a family. I want a husband and children. I want a committed relationship with a man who is up to big things in life and wants to take on big things with me. Who laughs alot and loves to travel. Someone who is comforting and compassionate.
Jason you let me know if your up for it!
I'll be looking in the mean time, no more waiting around.
HA! End of the innocence is playing on my cd....great timing
The meeting blew me away and i'm really excited about the ILP coming up next.

Futures Prep

1. What's the possibility you created for yourself?
Who I am is the possibility of freedom, joy and generosity.
Some others I have created are:
Possibility of being a champion
Possibility of being safe
Possibility of fun, adventerous friendships
Possibility of open communication

2. What new oppurtunities are opening up for you out of your participation in the Landmark Curriculum for Living?
New friends, like Jenni and Simmi.
I have the oppurtunity to be connected to my family. (got a story for ya)
I guess it all falls into knowing I can structure my life however I like and not be a victim to it.
This sounds silly for me to even think, but I have to put it out there. I have the oppurtunity to let go and date. And create the relationship of my dreams.


3. What are your present skills?
I can talk into front of people (woohoo)
I have had a good deal of success in talking to and relating with people.
This question really boggles me :), probably linked to my lack to reaction to good news. And i'm not sure in what context the question is being asked in.

4. What are your weaknesses?
I put things off sometimes. I put off planning and homework and cleaning and inviting...
I "jump" to conclusions, allow my feelings to really take hold over me
I don't take care of myself, so I get sick alot
Some people say i'm selfish
I definitly don't have enough fun

5. What are the constraints you are now facing?
I'm still grabbling with having vulnerable conversations and connecting with people due to my fear that they will leave me. And i'm super attached to Jason. I haven't had the conversations I need to have to get complete . I'm not sure what to do next. The unknown is really scary. All I know is its not working for me.

6. What training and development have you already had through Landmark Education?
Landmark Forum
Landmark Advanced
SELP
Landmark Forum in Action Seminar

Clean Up

Ruben I told you I would complete the ILP application last night. I didn't I sat down too and the questions frightened me, (completly my act) so I wanted to talk to Kim. I called her, she wasnt in the center. SO, you can count of me to do that today. Both talk to Kim and fill out the paperwork. I did find out alternative dates for the weekend i'll be missing for "Just Imagine"

Jason- I told you I would clean the refridgerator. I forgot until I opened it this morning and smelled that freezer burn smell. I will clean it by Saturday.

Katie- I told you I would have a conversation with Andrea....haven't broken that yet, but man am I scared. Also, I told myself I would work on the questions for our futures meeting tomorrow night , didn't do that either. I will do that this afternoon.

My own loss of power has really had an impact on other people. And I bet if I really looked at this, the list would be longer.

Powerful when I want to quit

Looks like this weekend will be one to stretch my muscles and not literally. But really put in practice being my possibility in the worst of situations. So I decided that I will....

Work on my room, specifically organizing my closet. I'd like to have my shelves on the left hand side be a place where I keep all my teacher stuff. My classroom closet and the trunk of my car are not big enough anymore nor are they effective storage areas. Also I'll pick out the color for my walls and finally bring the 2 piles of clothes over the goodwill.

Second, I have been wanting to have my car detailed so this weekend looks like a great oppurtunity to do so!

Last night I got a text from a friend that said...call me tomorrow after 2pm and before 6pm. I giggled out loud when I read it. The message reminded me of when I order furniture from rooms to go, which I have done frequently, or when you call the cable guy. They let you know they will be there between 2-6 or 8-11. CUTE! Then, it reminded me that I have an assignment pretty much every week to plan my work and work my plan. And I was really inspired by this person. Although I dont know for certain that she plans her work and works her plan, I trust that she is within integrity. And because she plans her work and works her plan she was able to give me a specific time frame in which to communicate with her. Thats really powerful Katie!

I refinanced my house and I have recieved 3 strange emails from my old mortgage company, i'll have to check into that tomorrow.

Read the book, "Love that Dog," if you ever get a chance. Really great and an adult could read it in 15 minutes or less. Its about a teacher inspiring a young person to love poetry, write it himself and go outside of the box. Really great! So great in fact, specifically for teachers or those in the inspiring feild that i'm buying it for someone I know. ( I keep looking for ways to be generous!) It would be interesting to me to see if people I relate to would hear and see the same message I did and my classmates did, as aspiring teachers.

I committed to call Rob at 8pm, I should find his number. Then I committed to filling out the ILP paperwork. I do have some clarifying questions for Kim, I'll have to get her number. Perhaps while i'm speaking to rob.

Dual

Somehow my body has adjusted to 6-7.5 hours of sleep. The silly thing is there are people who would be excited about the much sleep. I would prefer to sleep like 9-10 hours a night. My life is so full right now that most nights i'm up late or up early with lots to accomplish. I feel better then yesterday but I won't lie and say the nagging sadness has disappeard. Apparenly it really wants to challenge me to a dual. Or perhaps that is the universe or even worse its something I have created. I'm so confused! I'll kick its butt no matter what, its all about the training
A couple of things I am clear about...
We need to get on the ball selling tickets (i'll tell you my dream in a bit)
When I create safety, my self expression is really comfortable and awesome
I have no interest in seeing or speaking with "A"
My laptop won't be delivered till next wednesday, I was mistaken
Its my responsibility to call Rob tonight at 8pm
Its time for me to go to work

Car...Room...Weekend---> i'll get to later

love is in the air?

I don't feel any love today and i'm clear that I am generating that lack of power.
I did not get enough sleep last night and today I am living inside of frustration and sadness.
I pretend....basically thats it, no one in my life really knows who I am...i'm just a big baby...
Really i know this way of being is not me and i keep catching myself, and i'm so tired.
I want the day to be over and its only 12:38.
I laid in my bad and watched the music bars on my cd player dance. Up and down, up and down or maybe down and up. I watched the clock. I waited to hear the door. I drowned out their voices with my music and the more present I got to what was occuring the more confused and sad I became.
I want to quit...
I want to be straight.
I really want a hug, to just sit with someone and cry, until its empty. Tears are filling my eyes now.
I got all sorts of goodies today at work from the kiddos and my co-workers for valentines, I was an observer of the festivities, I chose not to participate.
I want to be with someone safe and keep talking it out. I'm done hiding but i'm not sure how to create more safe people in my life.
*thanks for the text message katie*
**thanks to my cat**
***thanks to madisons unconditional love***
****thanks Jenni for making my vision alive and real****
*****thanks for the possibility of having a day full of love*****

Champion

I'm freezing! But I like the cold...so its not a complaint just an unfamiliar feeling.

Today I spent most of the day with Trey, filling that spot inside my heart that really wants a baby of my own. Since its not really a good idea to have a baby of my own right now, I just borrow Jodi's baby from time to time. Play mom for a couple of hours and come home. Trey was sick today so I mostly sat on the couch with him while he slept. Its amazing how baby's look when they sleep, the innoscene and wonder and peacefulness. If we all only slept that wonderful! I really can't wait to have children of my own, I am definitly meant to be a mom...I know someday it will be my greatest fullfillment in life.

Still really cold...
and the next topic makes me feel cold inside. It depletes me of my possibility and just leaves me well with a chill. Sometimes it makes me want to cry, but mostly its like an empty space inside and i'm getting closer to filling this hole with something else. My evidence keeps getting thicker, like early morning fog that clogs up traffic. Only my fog clogs my heart and it feels nearly impossibly to pass through, like the fog is going to swallow me. I love him and hate him. I love him for everything he is...compassionate, contributing, intellectual, patient, athletic, loving, witty, humerous and stable. I hate him for being unreliable and secretive. I hate him because I can't have him, I love him because hes the best human being I've ever met. I'm just sad. Sad to share him, sad to let him go, sad to step into the unknown. I really want someone to love me and pursue me.

I completed the final flyer for Just Imagine. I'm really proud of the result.
What would it be like to go to the Olympics? To be a champion when the whole world is watching, to represent something great?
How would it be to be a champion that chooses to bow out gracefully, or one that is perfect until it matters?
What does it feel like to make it all the way to go home after the first round, or to get an injury so severe you can not continue?

Hero's stand up for whats right and die in the end...
Champion's pursue passion, experience success and failure and love every minute of it.
I want to be a champion

Couldn't have said it better...

"I've been waiting so long to tell someone everything about me that I couldn't stop...and the whole time I was talking she was listening...the most important thing you should know about me is I don't have mama...something happened to her that made her go away. I could feel her listening with all my heart and it felt good."

Mod posh of thought

Today I went with Holly down to Fort Lauderdale, i'm thinking I should live down there I am there so often. I really love my home here in Palm Beach Gardens though. We walked around Las Olas, didn't really get lost but got off track, ended up at the science museum. We didn't feel like paying money to get in so we just played in the gift shop instead. My favorite part was looking at a book of real pictures from Hurricane Katrina. I was really blown away by the pictures, how devastating and did you know there was silly people (for the sake of another description) that stayed outside in fort lauderdale when Katrina hit as a category one. I guess they were really starving for adventure and thrills. After walking aimlessly for a while longer we ended up at cheesecake factory. MMMM....chocolate mouse cheesecake. Finally we took a 90 minute boat cruise down the river to the intercoastal waterway. That was extremly impressive, seeing all the million dollar homes and learning about the people who own them. We saw the house were the taco bell owners live, Wendy Thomas, and alot more. Also got a glimse of a the caribbean princess ship, which really made me want to go another cruise. I'd really like to take Jason, but i'm not completly sure that would be a good move. I think i'd be filled with unmet expectations and unfullfilled intentions.
Speaking of which, I really don't want visitors this evening, but i'm not willingly to give up control and leave or ask them to leave either. Jodi tells me not to beat myself up but I really feel awful about it. I keep thinking, is this how my weekends are going to look. Like "being" a victim. I can create my weekends however I like, but I aknowledge that will mean giving something up. I am creating the possibility of friends...is that a possibility? Like friends that I really connect with, that I can relax and have fun with. Perhaps that will make my life more complete. * Now tears are filling my eyes.
Being on the boat made me slightly sick. My stomach feels icky and my head feels like its floating and spacey.
Every noise is multiplied and I really just want to leave or go to sleep or talk to someone who may understand this "upset"
I'm really not sure how to let it go or move on with my life and i'm continually faced with the question, "when will I be willingly to face this dilema?"
I feel like calling anyone, I would just be bothering them. Like more of Kelly's problems.
I'd rather call someone and have a productive, enjoyable conversation. Hear about their life, anything but watching Nascar.
Maybe i'll go get my laptop if the stores are still open....

Very Tired

I'm really really tired, however behind my sleepy eyes I am very much alive! I have had one of the biggest breakthroughs of my life. And I thought I'd be jumping out of my skin and turning summersaults but somehow i'm peaceful, content and really powerful inside. The access to breakthroughs is tiring. I was able to split apart of my story and what actually happened. People in my life never fully get me, they get me and my fear of losing them. Abandonment is really an issue for me and its not like in 2 months someone may leave my life. For me its like one day they are gone and the next day they vanish, literally and thats terrifying. So I hind behind "everything is okay" and"nothing is bothering me" I haven't given people in my life to truely be intimate with me. I avoid people in my life so they won't really know whats going on, so I can limit their perception of me. I have created the possibility of being safe and being a champion.
I started this post yesterday afternoon at 3pm. Its saturday morning at 8:30am. I slept so much last night and rested peacefully. Perhaps I got through one night dream conscience free. Just pure, uninterupted rest. Thats a victory. Katie told me to rest and wake up joyful and generous! Sometimes I forget that I am in charge of my days. "No day but today," just played on in the song as I typed that, interesting.
Thank you Jason and Joe for building a webpage for Just Imagine. It looks really great!

Updates

Today we recieved a 500 donation for Just Imagine. That is really great! I bought some new clothes this week and wearing them really makes me feel good! I have recieved a lot of compliments as well. I've been doing research on Laptops, I plan on having that nailed down and purchased by Monday. Also I am going to purchase the dinning room table that matchs our new buffet server. This weekend is the big game! And I decieded to root for the steelers. I figured, hey If you can't beat them join them and I really appreciate Big Ben, so i'm really cheering him on to the win! I bought tons of things and Nella from work is going to let me borrow somethings she purchased for a party for her son that fell through. I guess at age 18 hes not interested in theme parties anymore. Well maybe except for me, I still love it! And apparently so does Nella!